Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Randomize
