My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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