I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
