you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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