you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
