State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
