She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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