It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
