I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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