I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
