Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
