How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Someone came in the potted fern
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
