That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
