you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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