how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
whose ass print is on the piano?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
