I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
