I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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