Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
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The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
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Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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