I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
