I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
