Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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