Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
