Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
