how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
