I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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