Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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