I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
