Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
