sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
