whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
