May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
