Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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