Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
