she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
