Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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