The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
