I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
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She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just had sex on a roof
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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