She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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