All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
