HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
