GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
