this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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