he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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