Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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