So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
