He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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