just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
