I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
