i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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