the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
