My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
