Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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