hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is Oprah even human
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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