you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize