My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
