Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
