I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
