I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's blow job season.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She's better-looking with the mask on.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
