I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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