Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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