Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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