btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just want to make out with him forever
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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