I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
