the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
