Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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