and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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