I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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