My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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