Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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