I'm gonna have a badass scar
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
