Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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