I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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