You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
